News of little consequence

Dear Readers,

So, it’s been a shocking thirteen whole days since my last post. But since I’ve already bared my soul and my sincerest of apologies to you for past absences, I say let’s skip that usual drill this time. You all know that I’m sorry.

So, on to this post’s business… Below you will find the highlights of my life over these past thirteen days. You will notice that this list includes nothing really exciting or note-worthy. That’s because nothing really exciting or note-worthy has happened to me over the last thirteen days (and when I say that, I am momentarily forgetting about my wonderful Thanksgiving, Bobby’s week-long visit, two whole days off from work and a few glorious conversations with some long-lost friends). But somehow, despite the lack of excitement in my life, I have managed to have some giggles and a few “what the fuck” moments – those of which I can remember are chronicled below. Enjoy.

1. I don’t know why it has taken me 14 weeks to open my eyes and look at the signs posted in front of almost all of the doors at North Lake Community College, but I happened across this little gem last week while I was waiting for Nancy to return from the women’s room. I guess we’re slightly less likely to die if we duck-and-cover in C252 than if we do it in the hallway…?

2. We covered bacterial diseases of the genital system sometime last week in Micro. During that discussion, Dr. Su provided me with a plethora (props to me for using that SAT word) of wonderful quotations, which I will now pass on to you…

“I didn’t cheat on you yet, doesn’t mean I won’t…I’m a pig”

“just grow extra hair in your nose” (during a discussion about what would happen if you couldn’t sneeze)

“If you vomit on them, they run away”

“Men are tough. Hey, you got a little drip? You don’t talk about it.”

Fetus = “happy tumor”

“Sometimes they say ‘Oh! I got a pimple on my thingy!'”

“Sex is dangerous”

3. Last week at dinner, my brother announced, “I learned how to make sandwiches today in my Skills for Living class.” My parents didn’t really know what to make of that, but I got a good laugh out of it.

4. The second disc of the new Trans-Siberian Orchestra album has been playing non-stop in my car for the last week and a half. Brilliant.

5. Yesterday I went shopping with my sisters. While they were trying on stuff, I was browsing the “tops” clearance aisle and I found a cute, strapless, rose-colored garment that looked a bit too long to be a dress, but I thought would go really well with a pair of jeans. So, I went to the dressing room to try it on. But after I unzipped the zipper and slipped it over my head, it became very clear to me that something was wrong. Of course, before I had a chance to take it off, I heard “Hale? Are you in here?” and, like an idiot, I responded and the next moment, my sisters were banging on the door to my stall. And because sisters are programmed to operate in particular way, it wasn’t enough that I said “I really don’t like it. I look stupid wearing this.” They had to see it. So… I opened the door and the first words out of Bobby’s mouth were, “why are you wearing that skirt on your chest?” I’ll let you imagine my embarrassment and the inordinate amount of teasing that followed. But anyways, I ended up buying it. I really like it – as a skirt.

That’s all I can remember for now. I might update this list as things come to me, but probably not. December is coming! I hope you all are prepared.




Haley’s Favorite Celebrities, Part II

Dear Readers,

It’s November. Actually, it’s November SIXTEENTH. How in the world did that happen? We’re halfway through the second to last month in 2009. I was just getting used to the idea that we were living in 2009 (yesterday I caught myself writing 11/15/06 on my notes. 2006! wtf.).

Anyways, back to what I was trying to say… It’s November. November means very little in Dallas aside from the end of the Ranger’s post-season, the beginning of the Cowboy’s season and the week-long break that the public schools get for Thanksgiving. Our weather is mild (this weekend, our high temperatures were in the 80s) and no one really cares about having to walk through a few extra leaves to get to their car. But aside from the holiday and sports schedules, one thing that Dallas does share with the rest of the world in terms of November experiences is daylight saving’s time. And here is where I begin to get to my point… Daylight saving’s time means that when I get off from work, the sun is already well into its trek across the other half of the world and my neighborhood is pitch black. A pitch black neighborhood means no neighborhood running for me (I’ve already had one too many encounters with pickup trucks idling creepily on the side of neighborhood pitch black streets) – which reminds me, I owe y’all an update on my Team in Training adventure. But anyways, and so, in response to the pitch black-ness of my neighborhood streets, I’ve started going to the gym! And the gym has treadmills with TV screens! And I get to watch whichever of the 10 channels they offer that suits my fancy. And one of those 10 channels is the Food Network!

Which brings me to the real reason for this post: Alton Brown. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this name, first – make yourself familiar. This man will bring joy to every nerdy fiber in your being, be they concealed or evident, even if you aren’t of the culinarily-inclined. Second – let me introduce you to him. Alton Brown is the bespectacled, oft-frazzle haired host of Good Eats and is the main commentator for Iron Chef America. Loved by many other Food Network chefs, he bring his particular brand of nerdiness and quirky charm to the dishes he prepares (which, more often than not, are just as quirky as he is). I’m a huge fan of Good Eats. Wikipedia calls describes it as “a mixture of Julia Child and Monty Python,” and I quite agree, except I would add the essence of Bill Nye the Science Guy to the mix. The show is Alton in his element. It’s science-oriented food and it’s brilliant. But more importantly, ALTON. He finds things like the thread-count of twine and partaking in the bulldozer-driving in a salt mine interesting and relevant to cooking. This guy is hilarious. I don’t think any description of him that I can produce will ever do him justice – y’all will just have to experience him for yourselves.

So, here’s to you, Alton Brown. I would name my first-born child after you.



P.S. The Team in Training update that I promised you: The bursitis is definitely on the mend. The drugs my doc gave me helped a little initially, but I think the best thing I did for it, surprisingly, was start running on it again. I’ve run 20 miles each of the last two weeks without any excruciating pain, so I think that’s a good thing. The bad news is: because I was out of commission and not training for nearly a month, I fell really behind on my training schedule. And because my joints are still not 100%, I’ve decided to scale back my goal and only run the half marathon. So, 13.1 miles on December 12th. Wish me luck. Oh! and I’m $730 away from reaching half of my fundraising goal – meaning, I’ve raised $1,270 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Not too shabby.

Taylor Swift rocks my socks

Hey all you dudes and dudettes,

I know this may be a shock for many of you, but yes, I am completely serious when I say this – Taylor Swift is awesome. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I was happily a member of that large group of Taylor Swift skeptics that quickly mobilized among the collegiate liberal arts community when she first gained popularity. I’ll even go so far as to admit that I took great amusement in the fact a certain friend told me of a particular RD’s love for Madame Swift (and quite a few text message jokes were made at this RD’s expense in regard to that little piece of information). But something happened this summer. I don’t know if it was hanging out with my sisters that injected extra happy-girly feelings into my head, or if it was the complete lack of variety on Dallas radio, or if it was the whole day I spent listening to the newest Taylor Swift CD while inhaling paint fumes when we painted our living room, but somehow I became a convert. Her songs are just so singable! And sweet! And…I won’t go into any more potentially embarrassing details, but really, you have to have one really cold heart to believe that the “You Belong With Me” music video is not adorable.

But anyways, the reason for this post is not just so I can gush about how much I like Taylor. Today my dear brother introduced me to the most hilarious thing I’ve seen since I watched Scrubs last night. Taylor Swift and T-Pain teamed up to make “Thug Story”. Awesome.

And with that, I leave you. I’m supposed to be writing 50,000 words right now.



November First

Dear Readers,

Today is November first. Today is the first day in November. But more importantly, today is the first day of NaNoWriMo! Yes, despite all the reasons telling me that I shouldn’t, I have done it yet again – I’ve started my fourth National Novel Writing Month novel! And because I decided to pause studying for my Microbiology test, writing this dang novel, responding to emails, and biting into a delicious piece of dark chocolate to write this post, it is going to be the second shortest and least-informative post to-date. So, with that, I will leave you with the first paragraph of this already-cursed novel. Cherish it. It will be the only one you will ever see.

“It was going to be a bad day. Jane could see it in the coffee newly spilled over her freshly- ironed khaki pants. The smell of soy non- fat vanilla flavored caffeine mixed with starch and fabric softener screamed up at her, “Go back to bed. Go Back To Bed. GO BACK TO BED.” But instead of heeding the wasted beverage’s insistent advice, she just stared at it.”

Good night and good luck.



…has been closed for nearly two weeks. But finally, I bring you the post you all have been waiting for. Well, maybe Viral is the only one that has been waiting for this post. In any case, here it is…

Oh, and yes, it was absolutely necessary for me to put that title in all caps. Texas is kind of a go-big-or-go-home state. If you think I’m making too big of a deal about this, you are wrong.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

This year I had the pleasure of going to the fair THREE glorious times. First with my mom, Second with dear Tom Miner, and finally with my lovely friend, Kayleigh. Below are the best of the pictures I took while I was there. Unfortunately, I did not bring my camera on my visit with Tom, but he managed to get a few with his camera (check his facebook if you’re interested).

corny dogs

The first stop on every fatty's State Fair visit - Fletcher's Corny Dogs. I'm not a fan, but supposedly they're amazing. Tom wasn't impressed either. I think it's more about their novelty (you can ONLY get them at the fair) than their actual taste. No one has ever been able to describe to me what exactly makes them so special. But that is not to say that you shouldn't try one. By all means, please, please try one if and when you ever come to our fair.



…. Ok, so all of that which you just read was written on Monday. And I intended to finish the post and publish it on Monday, but then my internet started freaking out and wouldn’t let me upload anymore pictures. So I gave up and tried again on Tuesday. But the same thing happened and again I gave up, but didn’t try again. Instead, I uploaded the pictures to facebook. So, if you want to see them, check out


Cool. Happy Halloween everyone! I’m off to go hand out candy to the kids of the neighborhood.


I’m not dead

Dearest Readers,

I promise I have not forgotten you. The last two weeks (and I can’t believe that two WHOLE weeks have passed since I last posted) haven’t been extremely taxing on my time, so I don’t really have an excuse for leaving y’all in the dark and neglecting your needs for excuses to procrastinate. My apologies. Because I know you all are on the edge of your seats wondering what’s happening in my oh-so exciting life, here’s the digest version of life since the last post:

Tom visited me! Much, much fun was had, rollercoasters were ridden, drinks were drank (drunk?), Texas spirit was seen, and great stories were born. It was very hard to see him leave.

I finished the first semester of Anatomy and Physiology! I am now well-versed in the ways of skin, muscle, bone and the nervous system. Now on to semester number two…

I’ve been having a lot of pain in my left hip when I run. Actually, it’s been so bad that I stopped running for nearly two weeks because I was having a hard time walking after I ran. So…I went to a doctor and we talked and took x-rays and all that stuff. And… I have bursitis. Again (well, this time it’s in my hip). Damn my old woman body. My doctor gave me some cortizone pills and this gel stuff that people with arthritis use and told me to do three weeks of physical therapy and to keep running on it. All that was nice and good, but it hasn’t helped. I haven’t gone to physical therapy yet, but running on it has just made it hurt more. So, I don’t know. I’ll let you know what happens.

Stupid parents of the kids I coach keep bringing their infected children to the gym. For some reason, they all seem to think that though their children were too ill to go to school, it is perfectly fine for them come to gym and share their germs with us and all of the other kids. And now I’ve caught something nasty. I don’t think it’s the flu (thank goodness) because I haven’t really had much of a fever, but I feel pretty awful. My chest is all tight and my voice is like ten octaves lower and I’m achy and my head hurts. Ugh.

And, finally, Bobby is home this weekend! She’s off for her fall break. It’s so good to have her back in the house. I miss her so much when she’s away.

But that’s about it. More to come, I promise.



In which I am an artist

Dear Readers,

I sincerely apologize for my few postings over the last few weeks. I have been battling the treacherous foe of midterms (and have emerged victorious!). Though I realize such circumstances should have made me more susceptible to the lure of procrastination this blog holds, I have been oddly on-track and committed to my classes. Weird, I know. I’ve been studying during all my free time (I even brought my books to work and studied while I was waiting for my kids to arrive) and I only turned on the TV once this week (it was to watch Top Chef, and no amount of stress or academic commitment will force me to abandon that weekly hour of bliss…though I feel a smidgen – but only a smidgen – less devoted to the show since my favorite competitor was eliminated on Wednesday). In any case, after three more exams next week, the first semester of Anatomy and Physiology will be finished! Woohoo!

So, since nothing really exciting has happened in my life since my last post (besides the fair! but there will be more on that later), I thought I’d share my newly-discovered budding artistic talent (haha) with you. Yesterday in lab and in preparation for our practical next week, dear Dr. Su spent the entire two hours going over the very basics of everything we’ve done in lab so far. Though I love that man, I was just about ready to shoot myself by the time we finally finished. But out of that mind-numbing boredom doodles were born! (see below) And though you probably can’t read it, the best thing Dr. Su said during that whole class is recorded at the bottom right corner – “You will be the blind man touching the tail of the elephant and thinking the elephant looks like a rope”. Enjoy.


In other news, here’s a taste of what’s been on the news in D-town lately. I laughed so hard when I heard about this. It sounds like a fairytale gone very wrong, or something along the lines of the tooth fairy or baby-delivery storks… except not cute or magical or kid-friendly. I swear the news guy who reported this last night was nearly crying from trying so hard to not laugh.

In other other news… Tom Miner is coming to visit me for four-day weekend! I AM SO EXCITED!!