Community College

Dear Readers,

I know it’s been way too long since my last post. I promise I have not forgotten you. I have simply been preoccupied with the two newest undertakings in my life. Ladies and gentlemen, I have started community college. And I have a new job! Allow me to introduce you to them:

1) Anatomy and Physiology
Here we have Professor Kelly Sexton. First observation made about Sexton: Kelly is a man. Second: Kelly very much resents the fact that he has to spend 9 hours every day with adolescents who fall asleep in his lectures and nursing students who ask too many questions. Kelly also has a thick North Texas accent. He likes to add very dark background colors to the powerpoints he uploads online to discourage students from printing them. And above all else, Kelly prefers to be called DOCTOR Sexton.

Other characters worthy of note: Harley Davidson. She is a current nurse returning to school to receive her bachelor’s degree and sits across from me in lab. She’s to-the-point, all-business and no-nonsense. Harley Davidson does not like to smile (though I’m crossing my fingers for tomorrow…I’m feeling the funny coming on). She walks through the classroom door like she’s on the warpath. And, oh yes, she likes to wear Harley Davidson jumpsuits.

Mrs. Criswell/Griffin. A WONDERFUL, wonderful woman. She is the mother of one of Bobby’s good friends (back then she was Criswell, but has since remarried and is now Griffin… I keep accidentally calling her Ms. Criswell and because I still feel weird calling her Nancy, it has made for some awkward moments in conversation). Like my mom, she is going back to school to become a nurse. We carpool. And she sits beside me in lab and lecture and we make funny comments to each other.

The Returner. Took the class over the summer and made a “B” and is back because she wants an “A”. She’s very aware of how attractive she is. I’m pretty sure she’s bored out of her mind.

Scrubs. Sits in front of me in lecture. Laughs at everything Kelly says. She purses her lips after she speaks and nods her head as if she’s trying to stretch her neck when you’re talking to her. She wears scrubs to class and when I asked her if she  had a job in the medical field, she replied, “oh no, my daughters are medical assistants and when I go to buy their scrubs, I always pick some out for myself. I like wearing them because they’re just so darn comfortable.” I’ll let you make of that what you will. So far, she’s worn Felix the cat and Snoopy scrubs to class. I’m keeping notes; hopefully we’ll have the full collection by the end of the semester.

TMI. Asked Kelly some bizarre question about adipose tissue that, for some reason, required her to tell the entire class that she had had injections into her head to treat her dead hair follicles and that the injections had left small craters in her scalp. She sits far behind me, so I didn’t know what she looked like until Ms. Criswell/Griffin pointed her out at the end of class and whispered, “I’m never going to be able to stop looking at her head now.”

2) Microbiology
Taught by the incredible Dr. Henry Su. I love him. He smiles all the time and is passionate about what he teaches and laughs at himself. He makes hilarious analogies for the concepts we’re learning. I absolutely adore him. Favorite quote from last class: “Sometimes you need to zip up your pants and sometimes you need to unzip your pants.”

North Lake Guru. The go-to person for any question about the resources that North Lake (the community college I’m attending) has for Science classes. I think she used to be head of the Science study lab – or something impressive like that. She’s an excellent student. She sits beside me in lecture and is really on top of her stuff. I’m hoping we can be friends. And I’ve never seen so many freckles on one body.

The Pharmacists. Don’t know much about these guys, other than that I eavesdropped in on their conversation on the first day of lab. They sit in the two chairs across from me and both want to go to Pharmacy school. Pharmacist 1 is just starting his prerequisites. Pharmacist 2 is in the middle of his application process. He is hoping to get into UT Austin. I feel like such a creeper telling you this.

He Who Sleeps. He’s blonde. And no matter how hard he tries (and he tries really, really hard), can’t seem to keep his eyes open during the lab introduction.

3) Spanish 1
On Saturday mornings. I’ve only been to one class and next Saturday’s is cancelled because the school wants to pre-funk Labor day. I’ll fill you in on this once I get a better feel for it.

I am coaching gymnastics at Dallas School of Gymnastics, the gym where I used to train. I’m teaching preschool and beginner classes and am helping coach the team. It’s been downscaled a bit (they no longer have a team for levels 7+) since I was there, but I am having a great time. Basically, I am getting paid to play around (and by that I mean teach them important gymnastics skills in a calm and structured manner…) with kids on trampolines and gymnastics equipment. It’s a blast. I hope you’re jealous.

K, well I hope this extra-long post makes up for the week of nothing.
Keep it real,

oh! P.S. Some wonderfully generous anonymous person donated $50 to my LLS campaign. If you’re out there (and you know who you are), Thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your generosity. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


One response to “Community College

  1. hilarious.

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