“Laura” inspired

Dear Readers,

This post is a gift to all of my friends who are fans of “unnecessary” quotation marks…

I found this in the North Lake computer lab when I got my photo ID made, but didn’t have my phone with me at the time. So, I had to go back (obviously) and capture the proof that you now see above. Stupid me hasn’t figured out how to turn off the oh-so loud fake camera noise that my phone makes when I take a picture (and stupid people at the Nokia company didn’t think to disable the camera sound when the phone is put in silent mode), so everyone in that computer lab peered over at me and saw me standing guiltily, holding my phone in picture-taking stance. It was very awkward, but so worth it.

Also, I wanted to alert all of you out there to the blog I happened upon yesterday…Newspaper Mishaps! (unfortunately, that’s not the name of the blog, but I feel like it’s an appropriate description – and the blog is definitely worthy of that exclamation point).

Tomorrow I am going to the fair with my mom!! I’m so excited! It’s state fair season!

Love, love, love

-Haley

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Here’s to stereotypes

Dear Readers,

This post is written in celebration! The newspaper reported today that a Clydesdale in Collin County (just outside of Dallas) was recently awarded the Guinness World Record for tallest horse, reaffirming to the world that everything really IS bigger down here in cowboy country. At a staggering 80 inches, Remington beat out – you guessed it – another Texas horse for the title.

So, on behalf of our great state, congratulations Remington! We are so proud of you. All 80 inches of you.

-Haley

P.S. Thanks to the THIRD anonymous donor!

Why I love Dr. Henry Su

Dear Readers,

Tonight I am studying for tomorrow’s microbiology test. As I’ve been going through my notes, I’ve come across some Dr. Su quotations that I apparently felt were pertinent to record in class. And since I obviously need to get off track, I thought I’d share them with you…

“Enzymes, like a good matchmaker, are not emotionally involved – they are reuseable”

“One man’s smelly is another man’s delight”

“Maybe you’re having some wine and you’re bored out of your mind and have sex and have babies…so when your IQ level drops, you have sex and have babies.”

in reference to different forms of currency in the US: “Here’s ten chickens, watch my kid”

“Well, the tongue makes you smell bad – Cut Tongue Off!”

🙂 Haley

P.S. Thanks to the SECOND anonymous donor to my LLS fundraising campaign! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Though I must admit, your anonymity is driving me crazy because I can’t thank you properly.

Bones on the brain

Dear Friends,

Today I had my first experience with mind-numbing information inundation in Anatomy and Physiology. I guess I haven’t mentioned yet that I am taking the accelerated version of the class. This means that the normal two semester-long course is smushed into one, apparently very overwhelming semester. This also means that I took my first exam (of eight) last week, finished the material for the second exam (which I will take this weekend) and started the material for the third exam today. Today we learned all of the bones and all of the grooves, bumps and irregular processes of all those bones of the appendicular skeleton. And by the time we were done, my brain was so numb that all I could manage to recall during the half-hour break between lab and lecture was that “Some Lovers Tried Positions That They Can’t Handle” was the mnemonic device I was supposed to use to remember the names of the carpals.

And now for an update on the classroom lives of my much-adored slew of community college students…

-Today was the first day in four weeks that Scrubs has appeared in class without her namesake. That is, today is the first day they weren’t visible. Much to my disappointment, she was wearing a sweater, though I am certain that had further investigation taken place, we would have found a brightly-colored, cartoon-cheery shirt of the medical type covering that woman who loves them so well. Up to today, we have seen Kermit the Frog, Dr. Suess, Winnie the Pooh in addition to the patterns I listed in her initial character sketch.

-An unexpected relationship has developed between my dear Mrs. Criswell/Griffin and The Returner. It started off as Nancy not-so-innocently wanting to get on The Returner’s good side in hopes that she might share her Returner’s wisdom. But after Nancy bought her a pack of lifesavers (because The Returner was our “life saver” in helping us in lab), I became more suspicious. Since then, it has only escalated. Though she constantly denies it when I bring up the subject in our car-rides, I swear I sometimes catch Nancy sending The Returner a loving gaze. And last class, The Returner ventured over to our side of the classroom and knealt down and talked to Nancy for an entire five minutes about things completely unrelated to Anatomy and Physiology. Scandalous!

– A piece of little-known fact, courtesy of Dr. Kelly Sexton: “If you heat up a baby, it will sweat.”

And finally, I leave you with the following thought:

What the fuck is up with our professional athletes?!*

Good night and good luck,

Haley

*if you don’t know what I’m talking about, check here and here.

Nothing exciting

Dear Readers,

I have some bad news: My life is boring. I’ll let you know when I find a remedy to this problem. And in the mean time, if you have any recommendations, I’d love to hear them.

Sorry,

Haley

What would you do?

Dear Readers,

Today I lazily woke up around 11:15 and, just like every morning, moseyed into the kitchen and read the paper over a breakfast of cinnamon toast and OJ. I’m really sorry to admit that most days, my concern with the world’s events stops there. I get up from the table, put away my dishes and go on to start the day rather unconcerned with whatever I just read. But today I haven’t been able to shake the front page story. Today, the Dallas Morning News printed the second of a two-part story (I hadn’t read the first part from last week) about a couple who find out that their unborn son had trisomy 13. You can watch a short video about their experience and read both parts of the DMN article here.

Though I think it goes without saying that this family’s story is incredibly moving, I can’t stop questioning the decision they made. Please don’t misunderstand me – I give this family my full support and am amazed by the grace and love with which they handled their situation. A big knot keeps forming in my throat whenever I think about what they had to go through. I just don’t know what I would have done in their situation. I want to think that I would give that precious child the chance to live and I have no doubt that Thomas’ 5 days of life were a blessing to his parents. I also know that I would have an impossible time making the decision to proactively let go (no matter how much future suffering I knew I was avoiding) and abort the child. But I also have a hard time believing that I would still agree with my decision to give him a chance at life while watching that little boy struggle to breathe as his life slowly slipped from him.

I don’t know why this story has had such an effect on me, but I’ve been troubled by it all day. I’d love to hear your opinions.

-Haley

My first shiner

Dear readers,

Behold: I, Haley Marshall, your loving friend, the pacifist, have been slugged by an eight-year-old. Yesterday, while at my wonderful place of employment, one of my girls gave me a knee to the face while I was spotting her. She knocked my glasses right off my face. And though it hurt like hell, it didn’t really faze me (unfortunately, it’s not the first time it’s happened) until I wiped my forehead on my sleeve and saw that I wasn’t wiping off sweat, but blood. So, after I finally stopped bleeding (about an hour later – my pre-nurse mom says that there are a lot of capillaries in your face…which seems to make sense for everywhere except your eyebrows), I came home looking like this…

and I woke up this morning looking like this…

And that’s when I’m straining to open my left eye. (Awesome). So, for the next few days, I’ll be seeing the world through one and a half eyes, sorely missing my depth perception, and trying very hard to limit how much I operate a vehicle.

That poor girl felt so badly, though. I was giving her a private lesson at the time and both her and her mom were apologizing so much, I had to ask them both to stop.

In other news, because (as you know) one job is never enough for me, I had a job interview today! Seeing as I look like I got into a bar fight last night, I was pretty terrified going into it, but I felt like it went well, so hopefully there’s something good in that. If I get it, I’d be serving and bartending at special events on some weekends (and be paid really well for it). So, cross your fingers for that.

Love,

The Battered One